You’ve hit rock-bottom. In-fact you’re so far off track there seems to be no way back; no possible solution to your ever-present travails.
How could life have turned-out like this? This is not how you imagined your life all those years ago. Rather, you find yourself trapped in a vicious cycle of never-ending torture. The things you want to do, you cannot do. And as though walking into fire with eyes wide open you continue to do the very things you know will destroy you.
How did it come to this?
When did this thing overpower me so?
What use am I to God in this state?
Surely it’s better to be dead than to continue living like this!?
I’ve been praying year after year for healing. And yet, I live in perpetual fear of falling into the same-old mistakes – giving-in to this wretched flesh of mine. This evil has taken such a firm grip on my life that I no longer have any power or control over the things I do. I’m a disappointment to everyone around me.
It’s too late to turn back now. Nothing can heal me. Nothing can prevent my inevitable shame and destruction.
Why can’t you just heal me, Lord?
Why have you abandoned me?
Surely you see the depths of my heart – my desire to live a more godly and honourable life. But you continue to let me down. You continue to allow my descent into this bottomless pit of self-destruction.
Does the above scenario ring any bells?
There are moments in life when one wonders whether there’s any point in continuing. You’ve strayed so far off-track you’re convinced it’s too late to turn your life around. You’ve tried everything – abstinence, prayer, fasting, pleading and pleading for God to protect you from, well, yourself. And sooner or later your despondence not only leads to depression and a loss of all semblance of will-power, but an anger and resentment towards God. After-all he seems to be helping everyone else! You wonder why you even bother with such a cold and distant God. A God who not only refuses to listen to countless and desperate pleas for help but seems to revel in your suffering.
If you can relate with this, I have just one thing to say to you.
You are alive!
And you are not alive by accident. Wherever you are as you read this, and no matter how pitiful, wretched, or shameful you’re feeling, this is not the end of your story! It is simply the beginning of the life God has always had in store for you.
No, this is not a motivational piece. It is a message designed to tear down the devil’s lies about who God is and who you are.
You see, whenever we find ourselves on a wrong path, our natural inclination is to listen to the devil’s accusations. And as we continue to listen to those lies, we begin to believe them.
‘How can you call yourself a Christian?’
‘God must be so angry with you.’
‘Surely you’re possessed!?’
Furthermore his trump card is putting lies in our minds and making us think they’re our own thoughts.
‘God must be so upset with me!’
‘I’m such a waste of space.’
‘I must be cursed.’
Accusatory or harmful thoughts, whether formed in the first or third person are from the enemy – never ever from God.
‘God must be upset with me’ – for what exactly? The bible not only says Jesus died for all your sins, but also emphasises that because of it He remembers your sins no more.
‘’For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more’’
Hebrews 8 vs 12
How can God be angry with you if there is nothing to be angry about??
‘I’m such a waste of space’ – how can someone whose name is written on the palm of the Creator and Lord of the universe be a waste of space??
‘’See, I have engraved you on the palm of my hands.’’
Isaiah 49 vs 16
How can someone who the beloved Son of this same Creator and Lord died for be a waste of space??
‘I am cursed’ – every curse was placed on Jesus on the cross.
‘’Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: “Cursed is everyone who is hung on a pole.’’’’
Galatians 3 vs 13
Yes, every curse of yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Every single one! And besides, the bible says you are in Christ, so it is impossible for any curse to even touch you.
‘Surely, I am possessed!?’ – you are a child of God, and from the moment you gave your life to Christ, he has been dwelling inside you.
‘’And Christ lives within you…’’
Romans 8 vs 10
Jesus does not share real-estate with evil spirits.
‘God must be so angry with me.’ – do you know what God sees when he looks at you?! He sees his son, Jesus Christ. Why? Because the bible says you are in Christ.
Pick up any book, open the middle page, place a biro or pencil inside, then close it. What do you see? Do you see the biro / pencil, or the book? Exactly! You can only see the book. In the same way, because you are in Christ, when God looks at you, he sees only his son Jesus – no sins, no mistakes, no failings, no blemishes.
Your biggest obstacle is not whether God is angry with you. Neither is it whether He loves you. It is recognising those accusations for what they are – lies. For the more you listen to them the more you believe they’re true; and as such the more you see yourself in the wrong light.
The fact you are alive and reading this means God has not only heard your prayer but is actively turning your life around.
If you’re anything like I was many years ago, you’ve most likely tried everything under the sun to overcome your anguish. But nothing has worked.
The reason nothing has worked is quite simple.
No matter how many times you pray, or how often you cry to God for help, so long as you continue to listen to those lies in your head, and so long as you continue to see God as angry and demanding, you will continue to struggle.
First thing’s first – start seeing God for who he is – unconditional in his love for you and awesome in mercy.
And secondly, start seeing yourself as a precious and dearly loved child of God. For that is what you are.
And the rest? For now, the rest (your present situation) is not important.
All that matters is that you accept God’s unconditional and unfailing love and recognise how precious and dearly loved you are.
Focus on these two truths and let God do the rest.